


Sabotage

by Desbelleschoses



Series: Roomates from Hell [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 22:04:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12662328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desbelleschoses/pseuds/Desbelleschoses
Summary: Deidara is in an intense rivalry with another art student. Hidan suggests a less-than-legal way to get even. College AU.





	Sabotage

Deidara struggled with his key, rattling it in the lock as he twisted the doorknob side-to-side. He kicked the front of his boot against the bottom, screaming nonverbally in rage when I wouldn’t open. This was the last thing he needed today. Ineffectually, he grabbed the doorknob with both hands and pulled, shouting a string of colorful curses as he barraged the wood with the sole of his shoe. After beating the door into submission, he calmed down enough to try his key one last time. The lock turned, and he opened the door with a scowl on his lips. Forcefully, he slammed it shut and threw his backpack across the living room.

His roommate was sitting in front of the coffee table, surrounded by crystals and books and candles. “Watch where you throw shit,” Hidan snapped without looking up from his task. “You could’ve fuckin’ hit me.” With a flick of his wrist, he closed the pocket knife he held in his right hand. His left hand was suspended, clenched over the middle of a chalk circle. When he tightened the muscles, a few drops of blood seeped down the side of his palm and landed on a dark stone.

Knowing better than to ask, Deidara stalked into the kitchen. A cry of “Bring me a beer!” followed him around the corner, and he rolled his eyes. Whatever ritual the sadist was performing would probably be moot; not only because his god didn’t exist, but because his blood alcohol content was usually too high for it to be useful. Weren’t these things supposed to be performed with virgin blood, or something? Hidan’s had to be toxic enough at this point to backfire anything he tried. Nonetheless, he did as he was asked.

Still in a foul mood, he threw the can at Hidan when he re-entered the living room. His roommate caught it with ease, but his displeasure came from the fact that it had been shaken up in the process. “Asshole,” he complained, setting the can to the side to open later. When Deidara threw himself dramatically onto the couch, he looked over his shoulder and asked, “What’s got your panties in a bunch?”

“Don’t you have some stupid ritual to finish, hn?” Deidara sneered as he looked up at the ceiling.

“What, this? Nah, this was just for shits and giggles.”

Of course it was. Deidara pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers before pulling his long hair from underneath his back, letting it hang down over the arm of the couch so that he wasn’t laying on it. “Fuck off.”

“Maybe later.” Hidan spun around so that he was facing the couch, his back now to the table. “Did Dei-dei have a bad day?” he sneered.

His blonde roommate heaved a sigh and draped his forearm up and over his eyes, doing his best to ignore the comment. Fucking drama queen. Hidan decided to leave him to his temper tantrum. He stood up, and his long necklace tapped against his bare chest with the movement. With deft hands, he switched the unopened beer Deidara was holding for the one that had been thrown at him. From the way Deidara bared his teeth, he was aware of his surroundings enough to notice but didn’t care to bring it up.

Hidan’s painted fingers popped the metal tab. “Kakuzu’s coming over later. I don’t give a shit if you stay, but just letting you know.” He lifted the can to his lips and took several long drinks.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Deidara snapped, sitting up straight and leveling him with a glare. “What happened to giving me a heads up, hn?”

“I just did,” Hidan retorted. “’S not like I planned it. He texted me an hour ago, said he’d be in the neighborhood, asked if I wanted to help him collect. You know how things get.”

Unfortunately, Deidara did know. Hidan was likely the only person alive whose booty calls started by helping a bookie break some poor fuck’s leg. “Fine. Whatever.”

As much of a princess as Deidara could be, Hidan knew that, this time, there was actually something wrong. He wasn’t good at this. After debating what to do, he sat down on the couch next to his roommate, hesitantly extending a hand to place on his shoulder. “The fuck happened to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” the blonde snapped in a tone that said he did, indeed, want to talk about it. “It’s just… this _asshole_ in Studio Workshop. I just want to fucking…” He made a choking motion with his hands, his fingers shaking as he clenched them. “He thinks he’s so much better than me! Just because he’s a fucking painter. Painting is so last century, hn! He has _no_ respect for my modern form. I just want to kick him in the teeth!”

Hidan knew that telling Deidara to do just that wasn’t the advice he was looking for, even if it’s what Hidan would have done. Once his roommate got on a roll, there was no stopping him, and he sat back to let the scene unfold.

“Do you know what he said to me? This ginger son of a bitch has the balls to walk over to me and tell me that I’m a ‘derivative washout!’ ME! Meanwhile that little prick thinks he’s the next mother-fucking Vincent van Gogh; Oh, sorry, van GOFF. Cut his fucking ear off, see what he says then, hn!”

With a gentle push, Hidan moved his pocket knife out of Deidara’s reach.

“God damn it!” The blonde resorted to punching the decorative pillow he’d bought just last month to give the room a little color.

Hidan chewed the inside of his cheek as he watched. He knew what he needed to do. He didn’t want to do it, but, unfortunately, being Deidara’s best friend meant helping with damage control on his worst days. Leaving the other man to beat the pillow senseless, he stepped out onto the front porch and pulled out his cellphone. With a few taps, he pulled up his recent calls and hit redial. He lifted the phone to his ear and leaned against the open doorframe, one arm crossed. He couldn’t believe he was actually doing this.

“Hey,” he said into the phone, tapping his bare foot on the wooden boards. “Yeah, I can’t make it. No, Deidara’s losing it. Big time.” He reached up and scratched the back of his head, letting out a sigh. “Yeah, I know.” He spared a brief glance over his shoulder. Deidara had the pillow clutched to his chest and was watching him with watery, blue eyes. Hidan looked away. “No, there’s just no way. I can’t just leave him here. If Little Miss Sunshine hurts himself, you know it’s gonna come down on me.”

With a click of his tongue, Hidan hummed into the phone. “I mean, if you really want to come all the way back out here, sure. I’m gonna need a couple hours, though.” He smiled, ever so slightly, only because Deidara couldn’t see his face. “Cool.”

When he turned back around, he saw Deidara’s bottom lip quiver. “You cancelled for me.”

Hidan shut the door behind him and crossed the living room. Trying to blow it off, he mused, “Can’t have you trying to off yourself in the apartment. Who do you think they’d blame? The weapons dealer seems pretty solid.”

“Please. Like that bastard has enough of an effect on me for that, hn,” Deidara scoffed.

“Careful. Your Ophelia complex is showing.”

Deidara punched Hidan in the shoulder, but he didn’t so much as flinch. “Go fix your eyeliner. We’re gonna break into the studio and fuck his shit up.”

“You’d do that for me?” Deidara asked, using his fingertips to wipe away the black streaks around his eyes.

“Would I have roomed with you if I wasn’t willing to commit petty crimes for you?” Hidan grinned. “Now go get pretty.” He gave his roommate a light smack on the cheek. Now he just needed to figure out where he put his shirt.

* * *

 

“ _Haul ass_!” Hidan body slammed the back door to the studio, nearly taking the door off its hinges. He didn’t miss a single step as he tore off down the street, veering off into the woods as soon as he had the chance. It was dark, which was in his favor. As he ran, he stripped off his black hoodie, tying it around his waist to reveal the white teeshirt underneath. The beanie and bandana that covered his face and hair were stuffed into his back pocket, hidden from sight by the excess fabric. Almost there.

He skidded onto the sidewalk, and a quick glance left and right showed that he hadn’t been followed. Casually, he dug a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and took one between his teeth. A flick of his lighter, and he looked like any other college student with a bad attitude. He leaned against the pole of a streetlight, taking a long drag. When he exhaled, he did his best to form rings with the smoke like Kisame had tried to teach him. His lips parted in a grin when he succeeded, and the rest of the smoke came out with an exhale.

Deidara was nowhere to be found. Looking for him would be suspicious; he couldn’t walk back to the studio until he was sure he was in the clear.

“Hey, you!”

Hidan’s head turned in the direction of the voice, recognizing the uniform even at a distance. He pushed himself upright and stood facing the campus policeman, arching an eyebrow. “What can I do for you, brother?”

That didn’t earn him any points. “This here’s a tobacco-free campus. If you want to smoke, you have to do it on the other side of the street.” When Hidan tried to figure out if he was serious, the officer shrugged. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce ‘em. Now you need to put out the cigarette or leave.”

Adrenaline coursed through Hidan’s veins as he stood in front of the officer, his heartrate beating faster. By Jashin, this is what he lived for. “Sure thing, man.” He gave a salute with the cigarette between his fingers before taking a deep inhale as he crossed the street, crosswalks be damned. The officer didn’t bother him for jaywalking; he was probably at the end of his shift and didn’t want to be bothered. Violet eyes followed the man’s movement, trailing him until he disappeared from sight around the corner.

He indulged himself in a low chuckle, holding back the cry of victory that rose in his chest. Damn, what a rush! He dragged a hand down his face, shuddering slightly. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he withdrew it to see the name “Fucker” on the screen. He smiled to himself and slid his finger over the screen to answer. “Yeah?” He exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Nah, I’m not there yet.  Soon.” Hidan began to walk down the street, back from where he came, at a casual stroll. “Princess got lost. No, I can’t just leave him. Because.” He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. “Look, just let yourself in. I know you can pick it. But, hey, don’t touch my shit. I’ll kick your ass if you fucking clean my room again.”

A sudden movement in the forest caught his attention. “Just don’t fuck with it.” He shoved the phone back into his pocket and ran across the street, going back into the trees. A quick look around showed him no clear trail. Shit. He couldn’t go home without Deidara; he’d never hear the end of it. “Come on, Princess, I don’t have all night,” he groaned as his shoes crunched over the leaves. The loathsome nickname had the wonderful benefit of being a pet name, which he could use as an alibi if he stumbled across law enforcement. ‘My cat got out and she’ll freak if I can’t find her’ wasn’t too far from the truth.

“Here, kitty kitty kitty,” he sneered, taking too much amusement in his personal joke. “Come to Daddy.” Fuck, why was it so dark? His phone was too low on battery to use it as a flashlight.

He felt a sharp pain on the back of his head. He whipped around in time to feel the same sting on his forehead; upon catching the offending object, he saw that it was a pecan. The fuck? He looked up, snorting when he saw a Deidara-sized figure in the tree branches. “There she is,” he cooed, sidestepping the next projectile.

“Fuck you!”

“Get down here, you fucking idiot.”

Deidara’s weight made the branches rustle as he scooted nearer the trunk of the tree. With a complete lack of grace, he contorted himself over the branch and reached downward with his foot, trying to find a purchase. Why wasn’t he taller?!

Hidan crossed his arms and watched, understanding the situation only after several moments. “Are you _stuck_?”

“Fuck you,” Deidara hissed.

“Holy shit,” Hidan laughed. He smacked his thigh several times as he tried to compose himself. “Oh, Jashin, that’s fucking awesome.”

“ _Help me_ you sadistic son of a bitch!”

“Easy there, princess.” Hidan looked up and did his best to position himself beneath his friend. “Let go. I’ll catch you.”

“ _If you fucking let me fall I swear to God-”_

“I’ll catch you.” Deidara could almost hear his eye roll. “On three. One, two, three!”

Deidara let go, tensing as he fell down toward the earth. To his relief, Hidan did catch him. His arms almost gave way at Deidara’s weight, but he managed to keep his balance. Deidara wrapped his arms around his neck and pressed his face into his chest, taking several deep breaths to steady himself.

“Easy there, Sunshine,” Hidan chided, although there was the slightest hint of affection in his voice. “Stand up. I can’t carry you.”

Deidara did as he was told, leaving one hand on Hidan’s shoulder. “We didn’t get caught.”

“Nope.”

“We actually did it, hn.”

“Like I’d lie about breaking and entering.”

Realizing that he’d succeeded in sabotaging the entire studio, Deidara couldn’t help but laugh. Oh, it was just too perfect. He’d even hit his own project, which was no love lost, because he’d intended to start over in the first place. Sasori… Oh, God, Sasori would be so _pissed_. Maybe he’d cry. _Could_ Sasori cry? The only emotion he seemed capable of expressing was asshole-ish-ness.

Hidan did his best to shush him, although he was chuckling beneath his breath. “Shut up. We need to make it to the car.”

Deidara did his best to swallow his laughter. They rounded the corner and saw that several campus police officers were gathered around the studio they’d just broken into. Hidan’s hand snaked around his waist, grabbing his hip and drawing him to his side. In a low voice, he hissed, “Don’t look at them. Just keep walking, and play along.”

He did his best to keep his eyes forward. It was harder than he thought. Feeling his tension, Hidan used his hold on him to put him up against the stone wall of one of the campus buildings. Leaning in sensually, he murmured, “Loosen up. Trust me. If you act like we’re going to go home and fuck, they won’t watch us. It’ll make them uncomfortable. Now grab my ass and pretend you mean it, Sunshine.”

Hidan pulled back, bringing Deidara with him by wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Aware that they were being watched, the blonde did as he was told, slipping his hand into Hidan’s back pocket and leaning his head against his chest for good measure. As strange as it felt, he pulled out his most flamboyant flirtations, which usually stayed tucked away until the fourth or fifth drink. With his free hand, he shoved Hidan’s chest lightly as he giggled. “Stop it!”

“Make me,” Hidan growled loud enough to be heard across the street. Despite his composure, he jumped when Deidara grabbed a handful of his ass. The little bitch. “Hey!”

“What, hn?” Deidara purred innocently. His eyes glinted conspiratorially from behind his bangs as he added a mockery of Hidan’s previous words, “You said you don’t have all night, _Daddy_.”

Hidan resisted the urge he had to simultaneously punch and kiss his best friend. The little shit was going to get it later for that one. In retaliation, he moved his hand from Deidara’s shoulders and smacked him on the rear, hard. The yelp he earned was highly satisfying. He spared a glance over his shoulder, pleased to see that the officers’ backs were turned to them. They rounded the corner of the block, and Hidan pulled himself away from Deidara’s grasp.

“Bravo,” he praised, clapping his hands together slowly. “Bra-fucking-vo, my friend. Fantastic.” Hidan cackled.

Deidara took a bow, the hair from his pony tail flipping over his head. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here for the next three years.”

“Come on, we need to get going. I let Kakuzu into the apartment, and I need to get back before he bails or steals my shit.” Hidan clapped him on the shoulder as he started walking once more.

“I think I’ll hang back, hn. Get me from downtown in a few hours?”

“If you don’t get a ride from someone else,” Hidan assured him with a wink. “Do me a favor; don’t call until one, okay? I might be a little _tied up_.”

Deidara groaned, and Hidan laughed gleefully at his joke. He turned his back on his friend and stuck a hand in the air. “Good luck, Princess!”


End file.
